BREAK UPS AND ABANDONEMENT

Break-ups are hard...there is just no way around that fact. Oftentimes breaking up is hard, even when YOU are the one ending it! Even when you know breaking up is the best thing in the world that you could do for yourself, it can be painful and emotionally disorienting. Break-ups, of all kinds...from the agreeable friendly kind to the knock-down-breakdown kind...are likely to bring up our abandonment and belonging issues.

Regardless of how long the relationship lasted, it is likely that for a time you felt a sense of "belonging" with this person. A feeling of completion and connection that made you feel safe, known, and wanted...if only for a short time. If it's a longer relationship than these feelings of belonging were likely to be more deeply etched into your psyche. When that feeling is "taken" from us in a break-up or we decide to remove ourselves from it, then it is likely to trigger abandonment feelings both in the moment, but also any that we have experienced in the past.

So many people have experienced some form of abandonment in their childhood. It could have happened in the form of divorce, death, a parent leaving the family, traveling, work, war, addiction, abuse, adoption, etc. A lot of times relationships ending can be especially painful for people who have suffered a big abandonment in their childhood. When we are little, we often times will suppress our hurt, scared, angry, confused, betrayed, and sad feelings in relationship to the loss in order to survive and get through it.

Suppressed feelings don't go away. They just hang out in the places of our memory that go unnoticed by our conscious mind. This hiding place is what a lot of healers, therapists and mystics call the Shadow. When we experience difficult moments that take us out of our day to day stream of (and striving for) happiness...like a breakup...we begin to emotionally dip into the suppressed memories and feelings of the past, which makes the feelings in the "here and now" even more intense. It is normal and natural to do this, especially if you have experienced a trauma.

Abandonment is traumatizing to children because we are naturally attached to our parental figures because we have a primal need to have that bond...so it is nothing to be ashamed of, yet a lot of us do feel shame and may not even be aware of it. There can be a lot of shame associated with being abandoned because we lose our sense of belonging and that can make us feel unwanted and different than others and so, in order to cope, we learn to hide and minimize the feelings we have as kids all the way into adulthood.

This suppressed shame can explain why we so often feel a sense of shame when someone breaks up with us or we are unable to make a relationship work...we feel ashamed for being "unwanted" and we feel shame in not being able to make a relationship last or having made a poor choice in a mate. If you have never felt abandoned emotionally or physically in your past then you are rare and lucky! You may still have some abandonment and shame feelings come up though. For you it may be a different kind of intensity that is linked with the unfamiliar shock of someone choosing to not be in a relationship with you or you may worry that you are not living up to the potential of your families reputation/tradition for having solid and sound relationships.

Once we understand the full scope of why we feel the way we do, we can begin healing the core stuff that led us to this experience in the first place. Our suppressed and unconscious grief from past abandonment can attract to us similar experiences through relationships with people who will play out the previous drama with us. I believe this is orchestrated by our spirits so we can become conscious of what needs healing in us through the experience of pain. Pain causes us to grow when we would rather just stay the same.

No one wants to go through life with a conscious or unconscious feeling of abandonment, shame, and a sense of not belonging in the world. When a break-up triggers these feelings in us we have the choice to grow bitter or depressed and live as a victim, or we can feel our feelings and learn how to be there for ourselves. We can learn how to feel a sense of belonging from within. We can comfort the inner-child that still feels hurt and lost due to events of long ago. It is amazing what a little awareness and allowing of feelings can do for a person.

The process of healing from a past abandonment and a present break-up can feel and look messy, but it is fertile ground for personal and spiritual growth. As we heal our wounds and let go of shame we grow into whole adults who are conscious and ready to have relationships that last. The first step towards creating that is in mending your relationship with yourself through understanding what experiences and events have left behind a residue of grief that needs to be consciously felt, expressed, and let go of.

Be kind to yourself and thank you for reading :-)

Peace to All,
Ann

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DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA?

(GOOD)



(BAD)


As we go through life we all have great days and not so great days. We all have highs, and lows. We all lose people that we're close to. We have all experienced tragedy and most of us have asked "Why"?

That's why I wanted to talk about Karma today because if you can grasp what Karma really is and how it works, your life can be happy.

First off Karma is neither 'good' nor is it 'bad'. Karma just is. It is the law of balance. We all know that we have free will and under the law of free will we are all held accountable for our own acts and decisions.

Karma is like a cosmic scale and it's constantly balancing. It's important to know that it's not neccesarily from just this lifetime. it can be from past lifetimes as well.

Which is why the sweetest little ole lady you know might have the absolute worst things happen to her. Or, why the meanest person you know has great things happen all the time. Karma is compensation. Karma is balance. Karma is fair. Life is fair.

I know because of things that I've experienced in this lifetime that I wasn't always a 'sweetie' in past lifes. But that's okay with me. I know that by understanding that I bring to myself experiences to help 'balance' my past behaviours, that I will just go with the flow.

Now please understand this. Going through something doesn't mean that you 'get' it. We are all in a constant state of learning, and sometimes we dont get it the first time and that's why we go through the same thing more than once!

OPEN UP AND TALK...LET SOMEONE LOVE THE REAL YOU

We are all seeking the same thing--- LOVE . But not just any old kind of love. But a love that will reawaken our hearts, build trust and soften, perhaps, even heal the wounds from the past. It's time now to allow someone to love you. And to trust that love you receive by making sure you are allowing this person into your life for the right reasons. It's time to be open in your communications.

When two people meet & greet and decide to begin communication, whether in an online dating venue, or in a social or professional or academic situation----if there is a romantic "SPARK", and mutually so, then ultimately whether the relationship 'launches' or not, depends on the subsequent communication.. Period!

Bottom line, folks, it is the mutually shared communication, and shared CORE PERSONALITY values that will ultimately, bond the two people, allowing trust, loyalty and a wonderful opportunity for a real loving relationship to occur, as well as real authentic healing to take place.

But how do you do this----is the common question. One way, and one way only, LET GO OF FEAR, and speak your TRUTH. Replace FEAR in your vocabulary, replacing it with FAITH, and OPEN UP, and Speak your truth, regardless of what you believe she/he' will do with that truth. Because if you are fearful of scaring someone with your truth, (or core values) fearing that they will run away by you sharing with them how you think, or what you believe, or what it is that you truly desire for yourself, REGARDLESS of what that is----then you are merely sabotaging your potential relationship, delaying the inevitable, choosing the temporary fix of the idea of temporary romance, vs. allowing yourself to enjoy the real relationship that could develop & occur. In other words, get out of your own way.

Please recognize that you can only hide behind that veneer---or what is true and right for you, for so long. Therefore, you are simply delaying the inevitable, because eventually when your boyfriend or girlfriend learns what truly is YOU at the core level, (whether that is a month, 6 months, or a year down the road) they will then question who you are, and that in and of itself 'SPELLS RELATIONAL DESTRUCTION' ---- via the onset of deceptive communication or omission of communication.

Open up and be visible to the man or woman whom you meet, Communicate with them openly and honestly, regarding YOUR TRUE CORE VALUES. This will ultimately change your destiny in relationships, and you will eventually meet the man/woman who is 'right and aligned or 'equally yoked' with YOU.

A powerful romance that begins this week will lead you into commitment, 'contractual commitment'... so make sure you recognize that 'one date'...even one phone call... can indeed lead you to the alter. What I am saying here is this, 'taking that first step' letting go and choosing to be 'open to' rather than 'closed off' ... will bring about what you truly desire most in life... and if that is 'LOVE'... this is your week to explore, enjoy & expect love & excitement to be right there at your front door..

Enjoy your day and remember that when we 'give' love that is exactly what we will receive in return... and not always from the one whom we are giving 'love to'...but it will be returned, 'expect' it & enjoy it!

Peace to All,
Ann

OUT WITH THE OLD ....IN WITH A NEW

STRANGE FACE by BROS. VERTEBRAE
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Years ago, I was in a relationship with someone I thought was THE ONE. He was exciting, smart, and good looking. He also had a heart. BUT...as per usual, things just didn't have the happy ending they have in the movies. While we are still friends somewhat, I guess emotionally I never got over him because I have recurring dreams featuring him where I am jealous, where he treats me bad, where he says one thing and does another, etc. YIKES!!! Who needs this!!????

But last night and for a few weeks prior, I have been having dreams where a NEW MAN comes into my life. Last night's dream was especially significant. My old guy and the new guy were both in the same room with me and I was sitting next to the new guy (handsome , intelligent ,captivating and mouth watering ...ohhlala!) While I felt drawn toward the old familiar guy in my dream (even though the old familiar meant pain, hurt, etc.), I remained seated next to the new. The new guy sidled closer to me, slipped his arm around me and began to flirt with me in Latin. I liked it! It felt GOOD to be attractive and wooed and flirted with (and foreign according to the symbolism of Latin). Meanwhile, OLD GUY just looked on and did nothing (his m.o. in real life). I actively chose to remain seated next to the new guy and allowed myself to feel good; to be the center of attention; to feel sexy and desireable. Unfortunately before things could get past the flirting, I woke up.


In real life, I am not with a new guy nor do I think these dreams mean a new guy is entering. BUT...I DO feel that I am working through the CRAP of the old and waking up to realizing that I need to choose the GOOD in order to be happy; that choosing the pain is UNHEALTHY. It is ALL choice. It isn't always easy, but why wouldn't we choose to be happy?? I am glad that in my dreams I FINALLY stopped torturing myself by running after this guy hopelessly; by making a date with him knowing he would break it, etc. I finally figured it out that I have THE POWER to CHOOSE.
So my advice is to just sit there and let the world, people, events be good to you. Allow yourself to be wooed; to have someone tell you how wonderful you are...in Latin ! :)


****Hey Guys, Can you spare a few minutes to listen to this great new song ( I love this song!) , Sung and Composed by a friend of mine (great cool voice!). Let me know what you think of this song and if you could leave a rating on youtube that would be awesome! I personally think that they should put this on a cd and sell it -step aside bono, creed, stp, etc! I hope you like, perhaps will write a blog about this song later ...hmmmm 8>) .****

May the Good Lord Blesses you ,Have a Great Weekend! ( I know i will!!! for sure i will be posting another blog after my Exciting Weekend Rendezvous )


Peace to You All,
Ann http://serenity1769.blogspot.com

USING POSITIVITY AS FORCE TO BRING OUT CHANGE

So often we get caught up in the mechanics of routine-day-to-day living that we forget to take time for ourselves. It's easy to do. So often life leaves us little time to devote to things that matter to us the most. We lose our focus, and suddenly, as a consequence lose the joy we once had. Time can be a cruel thief and life is a hard teacher. The demands of a professional career, juggling family and friends, and just the demands of daily living can create a sense of loss and hopelessness in which we lose our focus. Make no mistake, God loves you and he wants what is best for us! The hardest thing in this world can be living in it. Still there are ways that you can create a positive change that can help you effect your current situations.

First understand, you are in control. God gave you the gift of free will. All choices have consequences, so choose wisely. I know, this is often easier said than done, but we must look closely and pay attention. Remember that you, and only you, are responsible for your own actions. It is the hardest thing sometimes to keep a positive attitude. As I have stated previously, life can be an unfair teacher, but each thing you undergo in this world you learn from. Whether it is good or bad, you are constantly learning. Therefore, since you are constantly learning, you are given the gifts that come along with learning. The gift of wisdom. We all live and learn, and sometimes we act on impulse. If we make a mistake, we must learn from it, or we are doomed to repeat them.

People aren't always fair. They can be calculated, cold, cruel, and insensitive individuals, but this doesn't mean that you have to be. Again, this is a conscious choice we make. Don't let the negativity of others influence the person you are. Finally, you have the divine right to be happy. You have the right to pursue happiness as long as it isn't at the cost or expense of another person. You are in charge of your happiness! Finally, we must accept that each of us is different! It doesn't mean that any one person is a secular demonstration of superiority, it simply means that we must develop a pinnacle of tolerance. Just because someone doesn't share the same view as you, doesn't mean their wrong. Open your mind and lead with your heart. You may be surprised where that road will lead you. My Best to each of you-

God Bless you and the Angels will comfort you under their wings...

Peace to You All,
Ann

"IF YOU FALL 7 TIMES...PICK YOURSELF UP 8 TIMES!"