When He Doesn't Meet Your Expectations

Have you found a guy who seems to run short of your expectations? Did he know how to win your heart, and he knew exactly what to say to get you to love him? Are you now asking what happened, and why did he stop trying? Relationships certainly are not simple. People are complicated and there can be many reasons why you are where you are right now.

Today on Father Duffy's sermon he was saying the very first thing you need to do is drop your expectations. No one can meet your expectations all the time, and you are setting your relationship up for failure by expecting someone to be perfect and to know everything you need at every minute of your day. Communicating your needs in a loving manner certainly can solve a lot of problems. Expect that you will also have to meet his needs as well and do things he wants to do without whining about it. In the beginning you were happy to be together just for the sheer delight of having a connection. Think about how it all began.

What was his life like as a child? Did his father or mother not meet his needs? Were they too busy working or handling their own stuff? What kind of mother and father did he have? Does he grow up in loving family or Has his parents reach out to give a hug or kiss, and compliments were not something high on his list. Yet when you take a look at his childhood, he didn't have the role models to show him how to be loving. As a child he felt unloved, and he was abused. His home was not a safe haven where he felt secure. So you see, we are by products of the parents who raised us.

Often we forget to take a look at where our loved one came from, and how his life was as a child. His first teachers were his parents. If his childhood needs were not met, he may be clueless on how to meet your needs. He will have no clue on what you expect. He wasn't given the proper tools to really know what to do. So what can you do?
Communicate. Talk to one another like you did when you first met. Speak with love, not an expectation of what you think he should be doing. Stop blaming each other, and forgive each other when the relationship falls short.


I'm a hugger and a kisser, and I find I love to cuddle and be close. That certainly can feel suffocating to a guy who never had that affection as a child. So when you are searching for answers as to why your guy is acting the way he is, take a look at where he came from. What were his childhood experiences? Then take a good look at yourself and where you came from. Are you more like your mother or father? Do you crave love because you didn't feel loved as a child?

When he doesn't meet your expectations, realize YOU can meet your needs. You can communicate what brings you joy, and you can treat yourself well. You have the power to love yourself enough to meet your needs. Be careful of what expectations you place on your loved one. Here is a quote for you to think about:

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end."

I wish you enough love to see past a person's imperfections, and to see clearly your own image. Love is a beautiful gift, but it is not kept with a closed mind, a closed heart, or closed arms. Love does not grow in a cave or in the darkness, and it won't grow if suffocated or ridiculed. It is in the arms of compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance where love thrives.


Peace,
Ann