(Living with Narcissist- Anyone that doesn't know what this is… well, let me just say...it's not fun!)
The narcissist in my life would have me believe that I am Insane, that his behavior is "Justified". That I "should" want to be with him and put aside my "selfish wants and needs" to be with him. This includes anything and anyone outside of him. Before I proceed i want to share what's "Narcissist/ Narcissism really means. It is a psychological condition defined as a total obsession with self, to the exclusion of almost all other interaction with people. Narcissism is often characterized by a lack of empathy for others, an immature sense of humor, sadistic or destructive tendencies towards other people, and a compulsion to satisfy personal needs without regard for others. People suffering from narcissism can be extremely introverted in social situations, tending to avoid deep friendships or commitments to career or family. In short, It's an Adult acting like the 'terrible twos', a phenomenon in which toddlers become extremely self-centered and demanding, is actually part of the narcissism spectrum . "
Narcissism is truly a difficult thing to understand. There is NO CURE. People who have this don't look at themselves and think to improve themselves. They play roles... They have their supply and if they don't get their “fix” they are abusive or they just drop you. Unfortunately for me, mine didn't drop me... I had to drop him. I came to realized that no matter what I did or didn't do, this person would never be happy .As a recovering co-dependent, I am practicing putting my own needs and feelings ahead of anyone. What that means, is if it feels good, I'll go with it, if it doesn't I ask myself "what do I want?" (A novel concept!) What do I want? I was always concerned with what his reaction would be. So, I'd mold myself to what I thought would make him comfortable. That would mean, I wouldn't go to parties or out to lunch with friends, because my partner didn't want me to "meet anyone" and ultimately leave him. I began to see healthier relationships... (not "perfect" marriages) but healthier. Couples that actually enjoyed each other and were autonomous in their relationships.
After gathering all the Strenght and the Courage that I needed - I made the choice to leave. I couldn't take care of his feelings anymore. It was going to suck either way and I needed to get on with my life... I needed to be Happy-(being in a physical, mental and verbal abusived partner- run as fast as you can !). It was a hard choice due to some sensitive issues involved - Children of course . But I also knew I was not happy and it took a long time but i finally took the step. I felt good and still do about my decision. I saw that the life I was living was neither healthy nor happy. My partner being a narcissist will do anything to keep me in the bad marriage. " Staying is Insane...I am Sane...I am leaving this!" It has been an Emotional Roller Coaster don't know whether i was screaming for Fear or Excitement . Is it draining? Heck, Yeah ! ( It definitely sucked you dry!) Can I see light at the end of the tunnel? You bet, I will !
It's sad to be someone's drug. I look forward to being Someone's Love...the Real Kind...I look forward to a Healthy Reflection. I may have hit a wall today , but I also feel I may have broken through it as well .
( Probably some of you once have lived with someone with this kind of behavior or perhaps still living with one...If I can impart some wisdom through this, I will ).
Thanks for reading. May God Bless you All ...Have a Wonderful weekend!
(Although God hates divorce, He loves the divorcee and will help all who call upon Him. He wants to teach us how to love the way He loves. The definition of true love is "God is Love." )
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