Don't worry about a thing.....

A blog from a Friend.....Thanks my friend for this amazing blog you have been truly amazing, insightful, smart..cheers girl!!


Why worry and think so much about
what another person is thinking or feeling about us when the only thing that matters is what they DO about it...
If someone thinks that we are going to put up with the elastic band relationship and make it somewhat easy when they DO come back around...where is their motivation to work hard at it?
The hardest part of a break up or pull back is NOT when they are away from us.....it is on the approach BACK to us that counts.
Because IF we want to do it different THIS time around we cannot allow them back unless we RE-negotiate the relationship at that point otherwise, you will be in the same boat weeks or months down the line....and do you really want that?
If we do not say what we mean or mean what we say we are only going to get more of the same. The one thing we really need from our partner is to be taken at our word, there is no point in yelling and screaming at a person and then showing them by our behavior that we did not mean what we said. We can tell them we want more and if they pull away we need to SHOW them we mean that by NOT contacting them and NOT avoiding their call when they DO call us...
We have to TALK to them, ask them did they think about what they might want in the relationship, and this type of talk does NOT mean they have to be ready for the relationship to move ahead.....it just means they need to be open to it so that we know that we are NOT wasting our time because we are too afraid to state clearly what our expectations are in the relationship.
Knowing what you want, knowing what you deal breakers are, are MOST important as well as not being wiling to compromise because of fear....


...And Here's my Opinion of this....

First of All,The one thing I have learned and mostly the hard way is if we meet all of their needs as in time spent with us, emotional and physical needs their motivation starts to fade or disapear. And things rarely just change, people need to be motivted in order to change, and we do not have the power to change anyone except ourselves, and that in turn has the power to change others if they have the motivation.... In otherwards they change or walk away, and at least then we KNOW.....

But on the other hand....I absolutely agree about NOT PLAYING GAMES EVER. If everyones' needs are being met, then why on earth would they jeopardise the relationship and risk losing their partner? thats the part I dont get here. You see, peoples' needs are a VARIABLE factor. Sometimes they can be met for a period of time and sometimes they change, So

MY QUESTION IS: WHAT DO WE GAIN BY WITHHOLDING FULFILLING SOMEONES WE LOVES' NEEDS EVER? IT HAS NEVER WORKED FOR ME TO BE CRUEL TO GET WHAT I WANT. As a matter of fact, ITS ALWAYS BEEN THE OPPOSITE IN LOVE AS WELL AS FRIENDSHIPS.So why on earth play games? Is'nt life too short? Dont we owe it to ourselves and anyone in our lives to be as good to ourselves and them as possible??


The BOTTOM LINE: As the saying goes: "People dont remember what you said or did, But they will never forget the way you made them feel"
So I choose to continue to give atleast 100% of me at all times, Or not give at all.
It would be very nice if all mankind were predictable but as we all know each individual and each relationship is unique, what works for some, May not work for others.
We gain a lot by being HONEST, and we gain a lot by keeping healthy boundaries in our relationships. There is NO need for cruelty!!!Like I said, game playing does not work. And for the most part people are with you because of how you make them feel but if a person thinks you will put up with crumbs that is ALL you WILL get from them if YOU have taught them that is enough for you regardless of what you say. Saying what you want and MAKING them understand that you MEAN it are key in ANY relationship whether there IS another person involved or not. Lfe is WAY too short to play games! And we owe it to ourselves AND other to say what we MEAN and MEAN what we SAY!!



Peace to All,
Ann