Another Great Blog from a Friend

If you are with someone for a certain amount of time, what does that mean? Does it mean you OWN them? Does it mean they should be faithful? Does it mean they OWE you a relationship?
Not really...... We do not own ANYONE no matter how long we have been involved with that person....

We may want them to be faithful and ideally when we are being intimate with that person unless we have discussed that we are BOTH on the same page about being monogamous and have agreed to such no matter how much we might desire that, we cannot and should not expect that of another UNLESS it is agreed mutually beforehand...
And no one really owes us something unless it is agreed before hand that we are BOTH on the same page about the relationship, where it is going, what we can and should expect of the other....

And there lie the problems.....
IF the guy or girl has said he/she is NOT ready for a relationship, or they do not want a relationship yet... are having money, emotional or personal issues that they cannot give us what we may want ....and yet we continue to see them, spend time with them and be intimate with them.....we are telling them by our actions that WE ACCEPT their terms.......

The DANGER time in a relationship is NOT when we are apart...it is the the re-entry period as it is THEN we can re-negotiate the terms, and it is ONLY when the terms have been fully understood and accepted by both that we can and should tackle issues in a non emotional manner.
Obviously none of us like to be cheated on, lied to, misled or have our time wasted.....however our own fears are the things that can cause us to settle for less because we fear not having the person in our lives which at times makes us settle for SO much less than we want or desire...

Just remember men listen to actions...........women listen to words...

so if your words match your actions and your actions match your words...you got nothing to worry about do ya??


Peace,
Joan


Ann - I must Add this ....Relationships bring out the best and the worst in us, as it is the people whom we care about, who have the power to move us beyond our comfort zones. However holding on to someone by manipulation, drama, or insinuating yourself into the life of someone to hold on to them or get them back NEVER works...
In fact it usually blows up in your face as it means you are coming to the relationship from the weaker standpoint and so are reactive and overly sensitive and will not step back to allow THEM to make the call, or do the work.....