Plain English? I find that most people demand plain English of you and yet speak Double Dutch back. Within relationships we have to be clear in our expectations, state them outright, and verbalize what WE WANT and NEED.
FEAR can and does prevent us from doing that, but we have no one to blame but ourselves if we did not clarify our wants, needs and expectations from the beginning. And that also means we should not do all the work or contacting, as if we do, that will then be expected of us, since we set the tone of the relationship that way. And then we become annoyed and upset that we are doing that........when it was our fault to begin with.
Relationships are not like shopping, we cannot put one relationship down and expect to go to the bargain rack and pick up another one right away. It, for the most part, does not work that way. ( I KNOW it does for SOME people) others have to be ready to let things go ( and some of us have problems with the letting go thing) before we can be ready to BE in a relationship again that would not be doomed from the beginning as we were in the right place emotionally when it started!!!!
Do you agree???
Namaste, Ann
Gretchen Rubin writes this blog regarding finding ways to find your happiness. And one of the things that she talks about is how to Fight Fairly. I highly recommend this site for many reasons. So here are some of the things she recommends regarding fights.....
Please try to understand my point of view. Wait, can I take that back? You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you. This is important to me. Please listen. I overreacted. I see you’re in a tough position. I can see my part in this. I hadn’t thought of it that way before. I could be wrong. Let’s agree to disagree on that. This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem. I’m feeling unappreciated. [Always, my craving for gold stars!] We’re getting off the subject. You’ve convinced me. Let’s take a break for a few minutes. [If you can remember to do this, it’s extremely effective – especially if you’re having a big fight. After a break, it’s almost impossible to go back to yelling.] Please keep talking to me. I realize it's not your fault. That came out all wrong. I see how I contributed to the problem. What are we really fighting about? How can I make things better? I’m sorry. I love you
Boy , oh boy someone saying any one of those things might stop a fight in it's tracks.I know that I have tried for years to make people understand that it is important to fight fairly and there was a process to do so. It takes effort and analysis but it is worth it and I can attest to that because of my personal experiences in life. WE AS HUMANS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FIGHT CORRECTLY!!! ~~ Ann
Wow this Song just hit the roof on my end !!! I've been tryimg to write something with a very exact words thats been bottling up inside of me and this song is just PERFECT!!! Here's to You again....From My Heart to Yours...I have Never Stop Loving YOU.
I thought sometime alone was what we really needed you said this time would hurt more than it helps but I couldn't see that I thought it was the end of a beautiful story and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone) and I tried to find out if this one thing is true that I'm nothing without you I know better now and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart I'd rather have the one who holds my heart whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah
And then I met someone and thought she could replace you we got a long just fine we wasted time because she was not you we had a lot of fun though we knew we were faking love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true that I'm nothing without you I know better now and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart I'd rather have the one who holds my heart who holds my heart
I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you, I can only prove the things I say with time, please be mine,
I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you, than good times with someone else (I know) I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime), than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby) I'd rather have hard times to gether, than to have it easy apart I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)
I'd rather have bad times with you (surely), than good times with someone else (surely) I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah), than safe and warm by myself (all by myself) I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart (you know it) I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart I'd rather have the one who holds
It made weekend box-office records and surprised people: the new romantic comedy The Proposal. It features 44-year old Sandra Bullock in the starring role, and her on-screen love interest is 32-year old Ryan Reynolds. Bullock even has her first nude scene, something she did not do in any of her on-screen roles during her 20s and 30s. The messge is that “even" in her 40s, a woman is “hot”. The publicity around the film, however, makes no mention of Bullock’s and Reynold’s age difference and the studio would not talk about it in an interview.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. These are a few of the more prominent (and successful) real-life known pairings of midlife women and younger men. The women in these real-life relationships are now being labelled as “cougars”.
A New Label for Women Labeling people and putting them in categories is a common way of dehumanizing them, of not seeing them as human beings, of objectifying them. Once you have an animal or object labeled, especially as an animal or mythical/fantasy entity, then you have them under control and contained. They are simple, not complex as are real humans. Now, you can decide what to do with them and you need not treat them with the respect and consideration you would give a human. Women have historically been categorized as in generalizations such as the symbolic triumvirate of The Virgin/Saint, The Mother and the Whore.
Cougars do not fit into the first two categories. That leaves Whore.
Defining the Cougar But what IS a cougar? A cougar is generally considered to be a woman of 35 or older who seeks out romantic or sexual relationships with younger men. She is supposed to be an overtly sexual woman over 35 who seeks out men for sex – but doesn’t want commitment, cohabitation or children. The term “cougar” implies predation, manipulaton, cunning behavior, sneakiness, and attacking. It implies a woman is an animal with sharp claws, a deceitful nature and a creature who is sex-starved or over-sexed.
Some related definitions I came across are “cougar-juiced” and “cougar dens”.
“Cougar-juiced” is a term men use to describe having been (successfully) preyed upon by a midlife woman..and “juicing” her is the ephemism for the man’s sexual conquest of her
“Cougar dens” are parties arranged for the purpose of putting together midlife women and younger men for sexual hookups.
Looking at these common definitions and ascriptions, is the “cougar” what women 35 and older want to be -- not a human being with a life, but a sexually predatory animal who is driven by sexual organs and desires and having sex that she “should not be having”?
There are no special terms for single, sexual men. They’re usually just called men. If a man meets a woman and has sex with her he is praised as “lucky”. Single, sexual men tend to be categorized and praised in terms of their job status, their income, their sexual power and their sports achievements. If a 47-year old man is dating or having sex with a 28-year old woman he is lauded for sexual virility and power.
Single, sexual women are labelled derogatorily in terms of their sexuality. The labels infer that for midlife women being sexual is not societally acceptable and normal. It is inferred to be an aberration, unnatural, and not something positive, healthy and human. Midlife woman are viewed in terms of a negative sexuality. It is not so long ago that women were considered to be sexually dried up, void, unsatisfying, unsatisfied and dysfunctional by the time she reached the age of 40 and/or was unable to bear children. She was likely someone’s wife and if she was having a fulfilling sex life she was not fulfilling the expected role of Virgin/Saint or Mother. She was left with The Whore label, whether spoken or unspoken.
The Midlife Woman in the Media Is the “cougar” a media-created and media-driven trend that will fade from view? Could the “cougar” be extinct by Summer 2010?
Popular television shows like Sex and the City, Brothers and Sisters, Damages and The Closer portray midlife women as confident, intelligent, atactive working women with personal and professional lives. There is a new television show called Cougartown, in which Courtney Cox portrays a sex-starved housewife (although the media whisper is a prediction of early cancellation). There is also an upcoming reality dating show called The Cougar.
The Hollywood film industry jumped on the bandwagon last year, opening Summer 2008 with Sex and the City: The Movie, a film which garnered the largest opening in history for a film centerd solely on women. This seems to be continuing with several films for Summer 2009: In My Life in Ruins, there is no mention of age difference as Nia Vardalos (46) seduces Alexis Georgoulis (34), In Cheri, Michelle Pfeiffer (51) enjoys a romantic and sexual relationship with a man, Rupert Friend (27), who is nearly half her age. The film The Rebound, centers on a May-September dating relationship between Catherine Zeta-Jones (39) and a 25 year old man. In Julie & Julia, Meryl Streep (60) plays real-life culinary superstar Julia Child while the younger Stanley Tucci (49), portrays her husband.
Real-life Midlife Women Women ages 35 and older as a group are more confident, pre-occupied with their lives, busy working on their careers and not consumed with giving up their lives to support a man in his pursuit of his goals and dreams. They are more relaxed in their bodies and comfortable with their sexuality, not letting it be dictated by men and men’s fantasies. They are not centered on trying to look like a supermodel or Playboy bunny. They know their bodies and their minds and do not get confused and forget who they are because a man pays attention to them. They generally know not to listen to what a man says rather to, instead, watch what he does.
In real-life, a significant number of men prefer the midlife woman between the ages of 35 and 60 who is somewhere between approximately 10-20 years older. What is appealing to these men is the stability of an older woman and the confidence, the lack of game-playing. The modern midlife woman also tends to be very young at heart because midlife has evolved, and the consequence is women ages 35 and older have better and more life options. Midlife women living in developed nations in today’s world have access to better healthcare, more control over their bodies and their sexuality, and better exercise options
Your Relationship with a Younger Partner If you are a midlife woman age 35 or older, you understand that you are not an animal, not a mythical or fantasy creature, not driven in life by your sexuality. You understand that you are a complex human adult female with a job/career, family, friends, choices, challenges, opinions, interests, and yes, a sexuality.
Choosing to be with a younger male partner is like choosing ANY male partner, including, what challenges you two might face regarding, for example, financial or healthcare issues; and what roles you allow the media, your family and you friends to play in your relationship.
Two areas I mentioned, namely healthcare and finances, are ones in which you will want to be especially attentive, as you will want to ensure that you remain financially in control of your resources. Women still do not make an equal income compared to men and any assets you have should be protected. Money and love have nothing to do with one another so do not assume the love you feel today will keep your money safe tomorrow. Women live longer than men and more senior citizen women live in poverty than men. Think about your retirement and guard your future. As far as healthcare, remember that as a midlife woman you have special issues and need to take good care of your body as you approach or go through menopause and other related and unrelated aging issues.
Remember, the midlife woman is a human being, not an animal (cougar) in control of her private relationship with a younger man.
And if all indications are true, the “cougar” media-hype trend will be extinct or at least hardly noticeable in the next year or so, and the relationships will endure. Just ask Susan and Tim, Demi and Ashton, and Goldie and Kurt.
L. Barrett Powell is an international coach and cultural trainer/consultant with an academic background and experience in psychology, theology and journalism. Barrett's focus is on Success Coaching incorporating the Law of Attraction. She lives and works with individuals and inter-cultural organizations in the USA and Europe as a coach, coordinator and trainer. Contact her by email.
Friendship is a blessing it's the best you have to share, The talents and the wisdom, the capacity to care.... It's being there to lend support, whatever needs arise, It's making sure that others know they're special in your eyes...
Friendship is a blessing, and, to all who have a friend, It's one of the most precious gifts, that life could ever send.
OUR GREAT MEMORIES GROWING UP WILL ALWAYS BE CHERISHED....I LOVE YOU SIS!! I MISS YOU GUYS! IN GOD'S TIME WE WILL ALL REUNITE AGAIN...GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I think gratitude is a wonderful spiritual practice and think dedicated a whole day to it is just awesome. I have celebrated the holiday in many different ways. I have spent the day alone in silence and surrounded by friends and family.
I think this holiday is a wonderful time to be grateful for what we do have and to share our love with random acts of kindness. As I look back over my life, no matter what was happening, if I took the time to be grateful solutions and angels in all their various forms appeared.
No matter what is happening in your life right now I can guarantee if you are grateful for what is and reach out to help someone else magic and miracles will occur, in both your lives. Be someone's angel just because. Sure it feels good to help but do it just because. Immerse yourself in love and watch your life blossom and grow.
Look in the mirror and gently say your name several times and then with all the feeling you can muster say 'I love you.' Do that 3-4 times a day and you will be an angel of love for yourself.
During the greatest challenges in my life I have thought of the passage from the bible which states,"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Boy Have there been some challenging times where I have had to let go & let God.There have been days when I have sat back thinking I need to allow God to carry me ...today through this crisis.To me, It's okay to say we've reached our limit...
I know that you have heard this phrase and you've probably seen it on stickers and magnets and such............but until it means something to you...........do you really know what it means?
I talk to so many people each day who are stressed out about their relationships and their careers. When I say to them, "Let go and let God handle it." They seem disbelieving, or untrusting. Can you blame them? Today, I myself learned the meaning of what I have been preaching.
Stress is and has been such a part of my life for several years. I have depression problems, insomnia etc.....I prayed so hard and the only thing my gut tells me ... "LET GO AND LET GOD!"
This is why in THE SECRET, they tell you to focus on what you want, and the release it. Let the universe do it's thing, (or GOD) We're all stressed out about the things that we have no control over anyway, Right???
So starting today, I am going to release my stress by letting God worry about things for me. He has control and can do anything. There's going to be a new me, a happier me!
We all want to win, every one of us. And nothing tastes sweeter than victory after a long-fought battle. But sometimes I find, somewhere along the way, we took our eye off the ball and let it become all about the fight and winning rather than the prize.
Love is not enough (it never is), nor are the good times you spend with this man. You must WIN!
Your life revolves around this goal. Yes, you get discouraged. Yes, you lose hope. Yes, you cry, you hurt, but you can't give up. After all, your goal could be right around the corner, the summit might be right around this next bend on the mountain trail. You can't stop now!
Find a MAN who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the MAN who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, " That's HER... MY WOMAN , I AM HER MAN ....and, I WILL STAND BY HER AGAINSTS ALL ODDS".
Namaste, Ann
" FAITHFULLY" ...My Friend Arnel Lead Singer of JOURNEY
THE PRIDE OF PINOY ...ARNEL PINEDA FROM JOURNEY (Man i remembered him performed in CAL JAM my friends owns the place back home - it was late 80's early 90's i was in College- we used to hang out every Friday night and Now He is the MAN!!!-KUDOS TO YOU ARNEL
One of my darling facebook friends whom I adore because she is so open about her life. She tells it all and never hides what she is feeling. Just now she posted a beautiful comment about exploring deep love with her hubby. She spoke about them doing a deep inquiry into their relationship. the laughing, crying, the everything! Yes she is celebrating the good and the bad of her marriage and thanking him for being her partner on the journey. She is allowing him to be the mirror for her and vice versa for him. It was beautiful. She was professing her love for her spouse even when times are tough. She called him the hammer and she the nail. It was beautiful!
THE TRUTH IS THAT.........you can't get to the point of deep romantic love unless your expose yourself 100%. that means your fears, doubts, anger,etc. It is the willingness to stick it out when things are tough. It is the willingness to let your partner make you feel hurt and anger and your willing to do the inquiry to why you feel the hurt and anger. THAT IS DEEP LOVE! that is the truth about a soul mate. A soul mate is someone who is suppose spiritually kick your behind! You may hate it but in the end you will feel something deeper than you could image feeling.
There is no love without the self inquiry. Love heals the wounds if you let it by self inquiry. Love is not a band aid. Not the real thing at least. I am amazed at her. What woman admits that the bad times is the self growth times.She is not selling some phony love story of a perfect marriage Exposure is what people hate but it is what we need.
IF YOU WANT THE REAL THING than be ready to be tried and tested, hurt, angry and even betrayed. Then emerge from it and see that it exist to bring you to the next level. That is love.
Wow!!! that kind a spells it out for me don't ya think? As I reflect, I understand now, how the breaking down, the anger, the hurt, the let downs... we have over come all, and somehow, come out stronger, better, closer. Until, the next episode. I am looking forward to the episodes being less intense. That will be nice.
The hurt and anger leads to balance. It teaches each party how to work with the relationship. It is normal for people to want to have their way. Of course in a relationship the struggle is to find a way for both to give and take. Remember everyone, if it hurts, there is a lesson involved.
Thank you ...Wishing you all alot of Love and Plenty of Blessings!!
For YOU ....I've tried so Hard but For you It wasn't EVER Good Enough. Thank you for the Memories...But,I can't let you Hurt US anymore.
Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye Even with our fists held high It never would've worked out right We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out I didn't come here to hurt you Now I can't stop
I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder But I know that you'll find another That doesn't always make you want to cry Started with a perfect kiss Then we could feel the poison set in Perfect couldn't keep this love alive You know that I love you so I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right When you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on So I'm already gone
Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories, they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road Someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right When you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on So I'm already gone
Stop. Go. Stop. Go. This is what those red and green twinkle lights of Christmas strands remind me of. The green lights flash, then the red ones. Mixed signals. Remember, we all learned as kids that song about the stop light - "Red on top means stop, stop, stop...Yellow says be careful...Green below says go, go, go.. Yellow says be careful". And, mixed signals don't have a Yellow light - it's either Stop or Go. Some fun here, hunh?
One minute your partner is present, the next he/she is screeching on the breaks. What to do?
Yield!!! Locate YOUR yellow light! Use caution. Step back. REFUSE to be confused. The reality is that it's THEIR confusion that is causing the flashy lights to twinkle, "stop, go, stop, go".
If you do not participate and watch - much in the same way you are watching a really bad movie - I mean a really bad one, as in "B" where the film ran out of money and they use claymation to complete the movie instead of real actors - what results is that you stay grounded. You use caution. You don't participate in the back/forth of their ball of confusion.
Face it: If you consider yourself to be the awesome individual that you are; if you refuse to allow your brains to be their ping pong table; if you just let the storm ride out - you're actually doing your partner a favor. Your boundaries assist him/her in thinking things through, and giving a respect to you. You don't blow up, you don't lose your cool, you don't participate in their brat attack. You remove the little light that is forcing the annoying "stop/start".
Then, you will see all green lights - steady, sound, grounded.
Finally, I am running away from this MESS for good!!! ALAS!!! It's so hard to deal with someone who I believed and my friends support this too ...Dealing with someone "Bi-Polar" One minute he is IN , one minute he is OUT...Then Blames everything on You , they Stand soo Righteous that they it's all your fault not them. Alleluia I'm finally OUT!!! GREEN LIGHT ..FOR STAYING GROUNDED. Yeeepeeyy!!!
A man and his son were walking in the forest. Suddenly the boy trips and feeling a sharp pain he screams, "Ahhhhh." Surprised, he hears a voice coming from the mountain, "Ahhhhh!" Filled with curiosity, he screams: "Who are you?", but the only answer he receives is: "Who are you?"
This makes him angry, so he screams: "You are a coward!", and the voice answers: "You are a coward!"
He looks at his father, asking, "Dad, what is going on?" "Son," the man replies, "pay attention!" Then he screams, "I admire you!" The voice answers: "I admire you!"
The father shouts, "You are wonderful!", and the voice answers: "You are wonderful!"
The boy is surprised, but still can't understand what is going on.
Then the father explains, "People call this 'ECHO', but truly it is 'LIFE!' Life always gives you back what you give out!
Life is a mirror of your actions. If you want more love, give more love! If you want more kindness, give more kindness! If you want understanding and respect, give understanding and respect! If you want people to be patient and respectful to you, give patience and respect! This rule of nature applies to every aspect of our lives."
Life always gives you back what you give out. Your life is not a coincidence, but a mirror of your own doings
This song has some powerful words and the verve pipe really know how to dish em out.I think basically it's a song about growing up and moving from a state of ignorance into a state of realization which is always a painful transition. Everyone goes through it, and in addition to his incredible voice and the great music, that relatability that the song has is what ultimately makes it a favorite of so many. Everyone's done things in their past that they look back on and wonder "What the hell was I thinking", those events change you for the rest of your life and that's something everyone can understand and if you don't then someday you will.
When I was young I knew everything She, a punk who rarely ever took advice Now I'm gilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice now
I can't be held responsible Cause she was touching her face I won't be held responsible She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins We were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her His girl took a weeks' worth of Valium and slept Now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says
I can't be held responsible Cause she was touching her face I won't be held responsible She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins We were merely freshmen
We've tried to wash our hands of all this We never talk of our lacking relationships And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say
I can't be held responsible Cause she was touching her face I won't be held responsible She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise For the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins We were merely freshmen
I admit, I've had a fake relationship. Everything about it was false - from the feelings that I managed to manufacture, to the Hallmark cards that expressed the sentiments that I WANTED to feel, but didn't.
When my fake relationship was crumbling, yes - I cried. Why? I suppose because my fake relationship did not manifest into what I wanted so badly to be real. And, I desperately wanted it to be real. Alas, it wasn't. I recall receiving the obligatory phone calls and not being one bit excited when I heard his voice. "Did I want to have dinner?" *yawn* sure - no one else around, you'll do. "Did I want to go to a party?" *yawn* Oh, yah, so everyone else could observe how fake our interactions were - sure. Why not?
So as my fake relationship disintegrated into more nothingness, something inside of me awoke and started cheering. Yes, my heart felt lighter. No more lies, no more self-deception, no more telling someone that I hardly liked (let alone loved) that I "love you" (said with all the enthusiasm of "I need to do laundry"). No more opening trinkets that were bought on impulse and pretending that they were the greatest gift on Earth! Yippie!
Amazingly, as I released my fake relationship and focused on me, my desires, my needs, doing things that I enjoyed and asking the Universe to bring me someone of like-mindedness....guess what? It happened.
The Universe knows when you're in a fake relationship, and regardless of how much YOU want SOMEONE - if that 'someone' isn't true in your heart, all you get is more emptiness. If you aren't with a person that makes your toes tingle, and brings a smile to your heart (for the most part - hey, we all have crabby days), then release it. And, no - it's not better than being alone!
Wait for the real deal, and not only will your life be more fun and fulfilling - but you're rewarded with what TRUE joy feels like!
I'm Glad that I made the right decisions to walk away from this person ....Who sucked me all dry!! With all his FAKE PROMISES AND FAKE I LOVE U'S ... How would this person feel if someone else will do this to him....hahaha!!
Life certainly can bring many challenges to us, but I have felt it's in the valleys where we grow the most. We find out what we are made of during our trials. For those of you facing difficulties today, I would tell you to just keep the faith and focus on the love not the fears. Each day is such a precious gift even wh...en it's one of those days challenging our minds and spirit. Stay positive and believe in your ability to surpass whatever you are facing.
My power today lies in transition. I have what I need and am willing to trust the process order to move on, seek refuge or new opportunity. I'm not willing to remain where my perceptions are invalidated but being vulnerable I must rely on guidance to move in a new direction or trust that I can make it or be led to security and new hope. 'Wherever you go, there you are.' I am empowered by perseverance and my virtue is survival.
Ever hear that saying that it's so obvious that it's inconspicuous? Or the one about "Can't see the forest through the trees"? Just think about it for a minute....the one guy that has totally supported you throughout all of your drama, relationship issues, family issues, issues that require tissues...well, you get the point....but here he's been there regardless...for YOU... yet, you just don't have that "lovin' feeling" for HIM, and you've taken it totally for granted that he's just "there".
All kinds of excuses run around in your mind when you think of him.... "We're just friends" "He's not my type" "He's too nice".......
But then perhaps your perspective changes just a bit, and Mr. "I've always been there for you" looks slightly more interesting because he HAS always been there for you? And what's really the clincher is when Mr. I've always been there for you finds a new object of his affection and now decides that he doesn't want to be there for you. Talk about interesting dynamics.
So, what's it going to be? Are you ready to acknowledge what's been in front of you all along, or are you going to continue to play ostrich, and let the best thing that ever happened to you slip through the sand?
" If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place". It could of not been said any better. The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
Wishing you all the Very Best....
Peace, Ann (I LOVE THIS CLIP FROM THE MOVIE A LOT LIKE LOVE....)
There are TWO ways to LIVE your LIFE-One is though NOTHING is A MIRACLE...The Other is though EVERYTHING is A Miracle.Wishing you COMPASSION,INTEGRITY,and GRACE today.May you have enough peaks and valleys to help you become the best you can be. Remember that as you go along your journey there are children or other people watching how you handle your struggles. Life is forever changing, so embrace each day and remember that your trials can turn into celebrated triumphs. It's all about your thinking and staying focused on your goals.
TGIF!!! My power today lies in ACCEPTANCE. It's over and done in no uncertain terms. I recognized, surrendered to or accept the finality of the truth or consequences in order to look to the future or have "changed my mind." I let go of all attachment or resistance to sustaining conditions that don't work or are out of ...my hands. E tu brute? I can't move forward by beating a dead horse. It's the last word so put a period on it and move on. I am empowered by TRUTH and consequences and my virtue is liberation or release from suffering, uncertainty or victimhood
At some point , You have to make a Decision. Boudaries don't keep other people out, they Fenced you In!
Life is Messy that's how we're made.... So you can waste your Life drawing the lines or You can Live your Life crossing them. But there are some lines that way to dangerous to cross.
Here's what i know, If you are willing to take the chance ..... the view from the other side is EXPECTACULAR!!!
I'VE NOTHING BUT LOVE & LIFE'S JOY ON MY MIND, SEEMS I'VE FINALLY LEFT ALL MY TROUBLES BEHIND, CALIFORNIA and PHILIPPINES BEAUTY STILL WAITS BACK THERE FOR ME. BUT,I'VE MADE A NEW NEST FOR MYSELF IN THIS TREE. I DONT NEED A MAN TO MAKE ME FEEL IM WORTHY, I JUST NEED MY KIDS TO BE HAPPY & HEALTHY, I'LL GO SALSA DANCING AND UNWIND MYSELF EVERY NOW AND THEN. THEN THANK GOD ALL MIGHTY FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS HE HAS GIVEN ME-
It's to the point where you're ready to boil bunnies, and just the thought of the guy (or gal) makes you want to slash tires. You've been hurt, and your hurt has evolved to anger. Anger directed at yourself, your broken relationship and everyone around you. You may as well be wearing a cloak of negativity, or better - a huge can of Raid. That negativity acts as a repellent to everyone around you and sends out the energy to "stay away from me".
Now, here's the hard part. Asking yourself what purpose the anger is serving you? Is it making you feel better about yourself, or is it directing you into a self-destructive spiral? Everyone that has a heartBEAT also has a heart that has been broken at one time or another. The heart goes on beating, though, right? You CAN and WILL heal.
Your choices are: 1. Survive it, and turn your grief (that has graduated to anger) into grace, or 2. Stay in a negative space, surrounded by your repellent energy. Know that if you put yourself "out there" too soon, you're only going to attract someone that is in the same negative space, full of anger and resentment that you are. TAKE TIME TO HEAL. Take some 'ME' time!
When I write "turn it into grace" what I mean is that there are things about the relationship to be grateful for. Now you know that this wasn't the person you once thought he/she was. Now you are aware that you can't fix it. Now you can happily move on knowing that the experience has provided a great platform for you to know what you DO NOT WANT. NOW you can focus on yourself, and the kind of relationship that will bring you joy; not constant confusion and frustration!
Think of it this way: Had it not been for this complex, argumentative relationship maybe you never would have realized that you, yourself, have inner demons that have now been unleashed. Maybe you saw a very ugly side of you that was brought out, and don't ever want that to see this in yourself again?
Turn your grief to grace. Slow down and think about how grateful you are, and let the anger subside. Give yourself time to heal. Otherwise, all you're going to attract with that "Raid Repellent" energy is another cockroach.....
I know that surrender sounds terrible to some. If you are a person who has been wounded in a past relationship, surrendering will sound scary if not way too vulnerable for you to do. The truth is that if you want a relationship, you have to let go of what went wrong in your past relationships and be willing ot meet your new partner half way.
If there is a need to prove that you were right in the relationship, it means that you will be unhappy and can lose your relationship. I always ask a person if they want to be right or if they want to be happy. When we choose to date someone, we are really choosing to let go of some of our self so that we can have room to learn and grow with our partner.
Do not expect the new partner to make up for what the old partner did. It is not fair to your new partner that your old one hurt you or disappointed you. When you are in a relationship make sure that it includes just you and your current partner. Bringing the past in your current relationship will make it crowded and your current partner will leave.
Then you may feel like you can not have a relationship or that you are unlucky in love. There is no such thing as being unlucky in love. The bad luck is really the past baggage that is being allowed to hurt the present.
I'll be honest... at first it hurts, but only because it's really scary for me. I cried a lot yesterday and today. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being stepped on and taken advantage of and having someone else stomping all over me as a result of surrendering. And someone pointed out to the that that was already happening... and that I had nothing more to fear. I cried... what she said was true.
At first I thought I was surrendering because I was giving up... exhausted, at the end of my rope. And it turns out that it's the one thing that will set me free from a lot of my hurts. I imprisoned myself all that time because I was fighting reality.
I recieved an email from a dear friend that says...Ann,there is nothing you can say that will ever be "terrible". You are the sweetest, kind, patient, caring person, and friend. You are so right with what you state. If there is struggle, let it go. It doesn't mean give up. I have had to do this, and it is so very hard. The person has consumed my heart, and soul. I have to love enough to let go. The bird in the cage scenario. I know in my heart the bird will come back, yet there is the factor of the other person, and there past baggage.... they are part of the equation, and if they hold on, it may not end, but it will take soooo long, or never, for an improvement, or to reach that happy place. It has everything to do with having FAITH. Give it up to God, and learn to walk, side by side on the journey of life.
Surrendering means letting go of what does not serve you. It is actually a strength, a wisdom, a growth and an awareness of something higher.
I now understand the power of surrendering.I am beginning to open myself up again and surrender and it feels great and very freeing. I am choosing happiness over being right! I will tape this mantra to my fridge. LOL
This has come around again with a different photo. It is worthwhile reading it over and over again
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is...
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
How can we experience anything if we are too afraid to let go?! God help me when I say as I fray away at the ropes end I have discovered this week and can not believe the ultimate strength I am suppose to embody within me. A strength I have no doubt is there, but really did not comprehend its existance.
The "rope's end" hmmm that can be the title of my life story book to be on shelves 2011, lol no joke! Anyhow, that "rope's end" man has a lot of stank from all the shitty endings but you know what, I am about to slap this book closed as I am reading the last lines of Volume I and its good but hmmm, what is in Volume II, I must admit I am very, very, curious. Muhahhha!
I am no longer looking at things as lessons, trials or tribulations. That was in the earlier stages of life. Yes, I know I am not that old, my Spirit would beckon to argue differently :) I am however observing the growing pains of earlier life and giving it acknowledgement to forming the experiences of my journey which has definitely strengthen me.
I am happy, but more of that happiness is being consumed and that happiness is being defined, so maybe the year 2009 will be the defining moment, but like I read some where recently, " I am going to create the life I want and not wait for some one else to create it for me! " YAY! Let's that be our mantra for NOW as shifting upon shifting is well, shifting! What is shifting? Well, old, new, thought, stagnancy, movement, fear, doubt, positivity, all that hunk a mess! So in other words, be clear right now, what you want to shift OUT! And what you want to shift towards to bring it IN!
Trust me, I don't have the answer, especially, as I am right besides you, holding on saying, wholly crap what a storm this is! Eeewwww! and spit! LOL
Another thing is I am tired of feeling strong for a few days and then falling hard on my behind for a few hours out of a given day! That has got to stop, but as a wise woman stated "I have got to connect to my heart and stop being so hard on myself. I have got to stop over thinking and listen to my heart and not my mind." Good reminder, some times the freakin Ego, no matter how much layers you release, there is a piece remaining that stills holds on to the weak moments and test's every part of your spiritual experience. What a night mare, geezeee ease up already!
I am free, from painful heartache right now, and emotional strain. I pray you if you are going through anything similar and I pray for me to build on that inner strength and invoke the God spark within to ignite, flame up and shine, shine, shine bright!
Stand your Ground! Enough is enough, and love your self beautiful child are the words from the Goddess of Compassion . I bow to the Light that serves me, even when my heart is hurting and my eyes are filled with tears, thank you for being there comforting and rubbing me, wishing I can feel you more and not hurt! I AM Grateful and Blessed, thank you GOD. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!
So letting go, can be a pure bit*h, yes, lets not underestimate the power of the Ego and give it some light. Hey blast it so it can ease up some times too. Letting go to experience the journey within may at first feel impossible, or like nonsense. The unanswered questions have to be let go off as well, so do not let it ride you down from fully letting go! Now here I go, off to breathe, get a bite to eat and integrate this message for myself and begin my journey inward, as now I HAVE TO LET GO!
Be in Peace - Love yourself.. As I am Loving Mine- Ann
The first time i heard this song ...I just love it. This song is very Personal to me. For so many years i was living on someone else's life - doing what they want me to do and they want me to be under their spells. I felt so oppressed by my spouses ( 2 exes to be exact!) For so many years i was emotionally deprived from the passions of life .This is viewed as a difficult thing, a struggle, when it comes to letting go of that very thing we want to attain so badly. I believe I have finally understood, how to let go fully and let it be! I am not going to live my life under someone else's conditions or wait either, as that is what is truly a "waste of time". There is lots to see, do, part-take in and most of all in a nut shell, EXPERIENCE! I hope by sharing this awakening moment, it helps you to probably realize a similarity.
Have you ever wanted a person (place or thing, YEAH THE NOUNS ) to enter your life so bad, that, that is all you think about? Even when you are distracted and or focused on yourself, your goals, other stuff, when that is completed, you go right back to thinking about that person (place or thing)! Then being your friend here with blood running through my veins, we tend to get impatient, antsy, frustrated and disappointed. Our reality, then becomes one of chaos, because emotionally we are imbalancing our level of consciousness. We shift ourselves out of a place of peace or contentment, to probably thinking, "WHAT THE HECK IS UP?" Is my prayers being heard, am I deserving of this wish, why is it taking this long, is there something I am doing wrong? Yet you get no satisfying response or maybe you do.
I have realized very recently that enough is enough and there is no more holding back and thinking that I have to let someone or something else process before I can open up. That by expressing myself, my intentions, my truth, I am being true to myself and my Spirit will not feel short changed because I am stifling my truth. It's like the saying, " The truth shall set you free." The thing is if I continue to stifling my truth, it then becomes as if it is not true, the mind begins to create another reality of it, which in turns, rids the truth of its very essence! Then this is how I have noticed the emotional body becomes even deeper imbalanced. I am not trying to go there anymore! Been there done that, processed , heal, now it is time to advance to the next level of consciousness and conscious experiences.
By CHOICE, I am going to choose to get it out, speak up more, let it go, and so it is, let the other person, or situation, process my truth and see how the Universe will provide for me. One thing I am sure of is that God does deliever. I will be trust and believe it to deliver to me exactly what it is I NEED NOW! So join me in this journey, step by step, we can achieve it. As I will and can, I know so can you!
It is time to LET GO OF YOU, by peeling off the layers that have not worked and do not work, or works no longer, we can begin to see clearer, raise our vibration so we are happier, and allow the energy of love to come in and help us through.
I am Breaking myself FREE from all the Negativities from my past...I am and I will be HAPPY!!! I will NO longer be stuck on with expectations and standards that I have to meet, that I'm so welled up inside. I just want to do my own thing for so long.I was once Lost and Now I've found myself and my way out!!
And remember: It's Only Ever You Who Can Do the Things You Do So Take the Chance Everyone Tells You Not To And Live Your Life For YOU!
Peace to All, Ann
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go".
Each experience in your life was absolutely necessary in order to have gotten you to the next place, and the next...up until this very moment! "I treasure ALL of my experiences I have had in my life".See if you can adopt this mental attitude towards your life....take a walk down memory lane,and see if notice how your greatest hurts & disappointments didn't end up strengthening you,see how they actually empowered you.In truth,they are your greatest teachers.Teaching you who you really are deep within.They are your life compass helping direct your course & where you want to go, who you really want to be and become!Treasure the journey....treasure the lessons....treasure your self...
Peace to All, ANN
Maybe I've forgotten the name and the address Of everyone I've ever known It's nothing I regret Save it for another day It's the school exam and the kids have run away
I would like a place I could call my own Have a conversation on the telephone Wake up every day that would be a start I would not complain of my wounded heart
I was upset you see Almost all the time You used to be a stranger Now you are mine
I wouldn't even trust you I've not got much to give We're dealing in the limits And we don't know who with You may think that I'm out of hand That I'm naive, I'll understand On this occasion, it's not true Look at me, I'm not you
I would like a place I could call my own Have a conversation on the telephone Wake up every day that would be a start I would not complain of my wounded heart
I was a short fuse Burning all the time You were a complete stranger Now you are mine
I would like a place I could call my own Have a conversation on the telephone Wake up every day that would be a start I would not complain about my wounded heart
Just wait till tomorrow I guess that's what they all say Just before they fall apart
