It's to the point where you're ready to boil bunnies, and just the thought of the guy (or gal) makes you want to slash tires. You've been hurt, and your hurt has evolved to anger. Anger directed at yourself, your broken relationship and everyone around you. You may as well be wearing a cloak of negativity, or better - a huge can of Raid. That negativity acts as a repellent to everyone around you and sends out the energy to "stay away from me".
Now, here's the hard part. Asking yourself what purpose the anger is serving you? Is it making you feel better about yourself, or is it directing you into a self-destructive spiral? Everyone that has a heartBEAT also has a heart that has been broken at one time or another. The heart goes on beating, though, right? You CAN and WILL heal.
Your choices are: 1. Survive it, and turn your grief (that has graduated to anger) into grace, or 2. Stay in a negative space, surrounded by your repellent energy. Know that if you put yourself "out there" too soon, you're only going to attract someone that is in the same negative space, full of anger and resentment that you are. TAKE TIME TO HEAL. Take some 'ME' time!
When I write "turn it into grace" what I mean is that there are things about the relationship to be grateful for. Now you know that this wasn't the person you once thought he/she was. Now you are aware that you can't fix it. Now you can happily move on knowing that the experience has provided a great platform for you to know what you DO NOT WANT. NOW you can focus on yourself, and the kind of relationship that will bring you joy; not constant confusion and frustration!
Think of it this way: Had it not been for this complex, argumentative relationship maybe you never would have realized that you, yourself, have inner demons that have now been unleashed. Maybe you saw a very ugly side of you that was brought out, and don't ever want that to see this in yourself again?
Turn your grief to grace. Slow down and think about how grateful you are, and let the anger subside. Give yourself time to heal. Otherwise, all you're going to attract with that "Raid Repellent" energy is another cockroach.....
GELEBRATE LIFE ...BE HAPPY AND BE FREE!!!
Peace,
Ann
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