Plain English? I find that most people demand plain English of you and yet speak Double Dutch back. Within relationships we have to be clear in our expectations, state them outright, and verbalize what WE WANT and NEED.
FEAR can and does prevent us from doing that, but we have no one to blame but ourselves if we did not clarify our wants, needs and expectations from the beginning. And that also means we should not do all the work or contacting, as if we do, that will then be expected of us, since we set the tone of the relationship that way. And then we become annoyed and upset that we are doing that........when it was our fault to begin with.
Relationships are not like shopping, we cannot put one relationship down and expect to go to the bargain rack and pick up another one right away. It, for the most part, does not work that way. ( I KNOW it does for SOME people) others have to be ready to let things go ( and some of us have problems with the letting go thing) before we can be ready to BE in a relationship again that would not be doomed from the beginning as we were in the right place emotionally when it started!!!!
Do you agree???
Namaste,
Ann
Gretchen Rubin writes this blog regarding finding ways to find your happiness.
And one of the things that she talks about is how to Fight Fairly. I highly recommend this site for many reasons. So here are some of the things she recommends regarding fights.....
Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated. [Always, my craving for gold stars!]
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Let’s take a break for a few minutes. [If you can remember to do this, it’s extremely effective – especially if you’re having a big fight. After a break, it’s almost impossible to go back to yelling.]
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you
Boy , oh boy someone saying any one of those things might stop a fight in it's tracks.I know that I have tried for years to make people understand that it is important to fight fairly and there was a process to do so. It takes effort and analysis but it is worth it and I can attest to that because of my personal experiences in life.
WE AS HUMANS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FIGHT CORRECTLY!!! ~~ Ann
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