Are you paying for the sins from a previous relationship? Is your significant other pressing your buttons to validate that you are going to react/act like the ex??? If you are, then read on:
Little red flags that you have no clue about will pop up. You are simply being yourself, enjoying the relationship, then suddenly - boom - you say or do something without realizing that you've pressed a major hot button that someone else pressed and it ends up being a deal breaker.
I know, I know - you're thinking "hunh???" Because it all seems so perfectly innocent to you, yet your partner starts to go ballistic; ranting and raving about how he "swore he'd never allow this to happen again". (All the while you're wondering "what???").
Try as hard as you want to convince your partner that YOU are not the one who had a house fall on your sister, that you don't understand the sins of the previous relationship, that you ARE different - and yet, your partner insists that there is no difference, you're all "alike" as far as he is concerned.
Is this fair? No. Is he being emotionally protective? Yes. Your partner tries desperately not to relive the past, yet every opportunity that comes up that even remotely resembles the past YOU get the brunt of his relationship hangover issues - usually in the form of him/her running away from you. Real Men call this "cave time". Real Women are just confused by the action.
Hang in there. It will be worth it if you can demonstrate to him, through time, TONS of patience, and your reactions (or non reactions) that you ARE different. You are YOU, and you handle issues that arise with a more mature mind-set.
Of course you realize that you're signing up for a lot of work.....especially if you're with a truly emotionally damaged person. I believe that you CAN teach your partner to be present in the relationship without over-reacting. How? Simply lead by example. Let your partner SEE that you aren't going to over-react, or run out the first opportunity you get. Show YOUR partner that you aren't the drama queen he's accustomed to.... YOU are of sound mind and body... and you have no flying monkeys to unleash....
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My Friends,
We all have baggage from previous relationships but like the airlines are now doing, we do not need so much extra baggage that we are being charged extra for it...we are supposed to learn from things so we do not have to repeat them...and we have to figure out what our dealbreakers are....
I also should've noted that there are people out there who will initially make their new mate pay for their ex's sins, but will move passed their issues if you've gotten with them when they're ready for that relationship.
When someone doesn't see the results of their efforts (patience, understanding etc...) in a reasonable timeframe, then yes, GET OUT if it doesn't work for you. You can't change someone's perspective if they're not willing to do the work or meet you half way (at the very least), in my opinion.
Our personal deal breakers and standards do come into play when making a decision about a situation like this. I guess the answer to, "Is it worth it?" lies within the individual dealing with this stuff.
If the guy/girl is really into you, they will do the work to separate you from their ex.
( Ok Am i making some people raised their eyebrows here???? - LOL)
Stay Cool....
God Bless you all!
Love and Peace,
Antonette Dominick
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