"NO ONE CAN CHANGE THE PAST....
ONLY THE HOLD IT HAS ON YOU."
Wooahh!!! Something has been bothering me for couple of days now and it's about some " stupid" actions or accusations i made to someone. I should have listened to my good and positive advisors who had been telling me it's all depends on me now, is the exact words.
See i was doing pretty good i should say going through my daily life and making myself busy about this big move and things needs to get done before we leave. For some reason being bored and lonely the other day and I spoke to a very negative advisor who basically poisoned my head telling me crap!! I shouldn't base my life on someone's readings.
Then i called my ex talked about the move and how our daughter doing in school.
Well , i should have known better that sometimes he just say stinky words ( Hurtful for me it is at least ) but he just like that...he says things without thinking or not even mean anything and then later he feels like a jack ass!! I should have hang up the phone that's probably the smart thing to do. But instead NO ...since my head is already polluted with bullshit from the negative advisor i talked to - I was already hyped up , here goes my un never ending questions/ accusations attack ...( how childish and stupid- I must admit to that!) and of course i didn't end up the way i wanted to be...peace and harmony :(
Although i made it this far from the old me - but still somethings triggers me for getting so irrate!! I should have more patient to handle it a little better. But i didn't that day.
Well the lessons i still need to learn is to LET GO COMPLETELY OF ALL THE BAGGAGE and I NEED TO START CLEANING ALL THE CLUTTER in my life. To be able to ACCEPT EVERYTHING COMPLETELY without anymore drama. Who wants it anyways?? .. I know I've been there and done that- guilty as charged ! But I cannot changed the past - holding on with those dirty laundry wont do me good as a person anymore. I just need to really take it to the heart that I HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY RATHER THAN BEING RIGHT all the time. I also need to FORGIVE myself then release and let go.
I am only speaking for myself , he on the other hand I know, and he knows that he has his own closet to clean up as well. I love him with all my heart but i can't make him do what i want him to do right there and then, to love me , to want me ... Too many painful pasts on both of us ...we get the best of each other on some stupid little things. WE both made mistakes - we both have to go on our own journey- and learn to fight our own demons. It's not always gonna be easy but we both just need to see the big picture... that there are children involved as well.
I DO BELIEVE THAT ONLY IN GOD'S DIVINE TIMING THAT THINGS WILL BE BETTER... and It will.
" OUR emotions are the slaves to our thoughts, and WE are the slave to our emotions."
Today , Is suppose to be our 5th Wedding Anniversary (If we didn't get divorced of course!) But hey , it's ok to reminisce.
Well, I can say is , I am so proud of him taking really good care of our daughter Aisha in CA with him right now. I know she's a handful for him due to his work schedules. But hey, He gets to come home to his Princess, the very best thing that ever happened to his Life.
Have a Safe Weekend Guys!!!
Love and Light,
Ann
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