Equalize your Unbalanced Relationship...or Bail?

He tells you you're selfish. He tells you that HE puts in more than 50% - oh, heck - it's up to 80% of the effort into the relationship, and you do nothing but sit there and EXPECT more. He is so focused on what HE is doing for YOU, that all the things YOU do for him go unnoticed. He pouts, he throws temper tantrums, he doesn't speak to you for a couple of days (Ah! Now THAT'S a mature approach). You ask him, "What can I do?" He is vague about all your "sins" - blankets it with "Everything you do is for YOU, and I don't count".

So, what brings this on? One night YOU do what YOU want to do - you have a girl's night out. Actually, it isn't even a girl's night "out" - it's something oh, say like a Tupperware party. You get together with a few friends and ooo and ahhh over plastic containers to store the leftover food that YOU prepare for him so that it won't spoil - but then you discover that leftovers are unacceptable.

Part of the adjustment period? Part of learning the art of giving (not just taking)?

He keeps a running mental tally of all the wonderful things he's done to "make your life easier" then expects major accolades for doing these things. You are working a 9-5 job, and when you get home from that job, yes you notice that the trash has been emptied and the yard raked. Good for him, he got exercise and in the process raked leaves. You thank him. He expects a 5-course dinner, complete with some exotic desert.

He is critical of your cleaning skills, although you try and keep the house neat and orderly - face it, after putting up with the stuff you do at the office, just how motivated are you to do something other than surface clean? He laughs when you tell him you're exhausted, yet you manage to get the laundry done, fix dinner, and clean the kitchen afterward (he's too tired, dontcha know).

Lopsided? Unequal? Not in his mind. So, how do two minds that feel they are giving more than they are receiving get on the same page?

Easy.

Swallow your pride. He will swallow his. In this gulping of pride that you both are able to set aside you start by telling each other how truly appreciated the efforts are. Then ask, "What more can I do for you?" (Ok, this is hard to ask, especially when you feel you're doing all you can already). The good thing is that it brings the "brattiness" back to an adult level. ASK. "What do you EXPECT?"

Conclude with the statement that you DO love him, you DO want to be in a happy relationship, realizing of course that NO relationship is ever smooth sailing all the time. There are choppy waters that require some navigation. Equal partnerships does not mean that when the water gets choppy that you get a new boat - you both need to steer it out of the rapids.

Now, what's for dinner?